It’s ‘Time’ to Set the Record Straight

Women (Especially Many Women in My Life) say “Come on, let’s go,” so I go outside and wait by the car. I keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally I feel like I’m on Punk’d, and go back inside, and the (Woman I am referencing this example for) is on the phone talking to (The female that we are on our way to see), so I say “Let’s Go,” I get a scowl from the woman, and then she says, “We’re leaving right now”.

Leaving right now.

Leaving – right – now.

I (and I humbly suggest most guys) hear, “We are leaving right this moment, I mean right now, this absolute millisecond,” unfortunately that not what it means to a woman (imho).

I believe when a woman says, “Come on, we are leaving right now,” it really means, “Hey, goofy guy. You stop what you are doing that’s fun, and get out of the house, because I have about 30 minutes more of running around here doing stuff that I don’t want you to see, so I want YOU to be ready when I *really* am ready to leave”.

Seriously, look out your window on a holiday and see how many men are waiting – by themselves – by the car, for an extended period of the time.

In the summer, I finally got smart, and unlocked the car and sat inside sweating (and counted that toward exercise. Sweating = Exercise, right?).

I guess time to a woman is graded on the curve (of which I don’t know the percentage), or it’s a weird metric system time conversion. Not sure, just sayin’.

Yes, guys are slow to get going, but they never (to my knowledge) announce they are leaving, send a woman outside to wait, then suffer the consequences of making a woman wait. That is a pain you don’t want to endure.

Lateness-

Woman are late all the time. Hee hee, okay not all the time, but 99.999999999% of the time.

Guys are late, too, but when guys are late, there isn’t a Shakespearean saga story that is told when the woman finally arrives somewhere.

Leaving any get together (especially a party)-

Oh my god. This is the worst. See, we already discussed a woman’s difficulty articulating the correct time of leaving, it is 1000 times worse leaving a get together.

“Come on honey, we’re leaving,” so again, the dumb guy that actually listens, stands up and waits by the door, or goes outside in the cold – waiting.

Women have about 100 rituals that they have to do to complete the whole leaving process;

1. Say goodbye to every single person in the house/restaurant/beach/wherever,

2. Each person she says good bye to has a deeply involved (long) discussion about something that they had ALL NIGHT to tell them, but no – they need to go over some story like a CSI investigator with the woman who is leaving (with a guy waiting outside),

3. Hugging and Kissing the ladies goodbye. Okay, maybe there is time for that.

4. All of the older people start telling “stories they remember,” about them woman – again – who is leaving. This is about the point the guy sneaks a pillow and curls up behind the couch. This will take awhile.

5. People start to make plans to “get together,” in the future, so then the woman starts asking, “Honey, what are we doing on (a particular day in the future)?” Keep in mind, men are dumb, and probably won’t know if this is an opportunity to “create” a special event that will keep us from spending time with these people (That live nearby, but haven’t seen for (insert a number of years)). Guys can barely remember their wedding anniversary (I can, for the record. 09-11, yup, but it was in 1999), and any other dates require a calendar, cellphone reminders, a Mom calling to remind them and a significant other reminding them – suffice it to say, it would be tough.

6. Go pee (for the 12th time that night).

7. Looking for coat/purse/cellphone/guy’s coat/etc.

8. Asking directions on how to get from the party location, home.

9. About 92 other ones…

When guys leave, its, “We are outta here,” shake a few hands in the general vicinity, and they are gone.

Yup, men and women are different, but different is cool, really.

Related posts:

1. Classic MaD Blog – The Word Cute